I want to be driven by love
Do you know which demographic is most likely to reach their weight loss goals? The answer is brides to be. And that’s because they don’t want to simply lose 15 lbs. The bride wants to look stunning in (and out of) her dress for hubby, radiant for the hundreds of eyes focusing on her all day, and beautiful for the countless pictures that will be taken of her on what should be her most memorable day. Unfortunately, the weight often returns once the event has passed because she lost the emotional driver behind her motivation.
I often think about the motivations behind the goals in my life. I know that I need to be able to connect to the emotions of the purpose behind a goal in order to achieve it. If I don’t feel it, I often lack energy and focus for it. The problem for me then comes down to which emotions are driving me. In hindsight, I’ve often been motivated by the wrong feelings. The wrong feelings do not prevent me from achieving my goals, however. They drive me into goals that aren’t in my highest good or best interest. So what drives me? What tends to drive all of us? I listed 5 things below that are negative drivers, but please respond to me if you’ve thought of another.
Guilt - This is my biggest false driver. Historically, if you wanted to manipulate me, you could easily do it by guilting me into something. But oddly enough, this isn’t me being manipulated by people. It’s me being manipulated by memories. This is the past telling me what to do, not the present, and my past self didn’t think highly enough of me. I’m currently working hard to correct that. Psalm 32:1 says, “Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven.” I want to live a blessed life. It’s time to forgive myself.
Anger and Resentment - This is being driven by revenge. Stop rewarding offense with attention. Stop replaying painful experiences. Stop allowing people who hurt you in the past to keep hurting you long after the initial offense. You have suffered enough.
Shame - This is the need for approval. This is being driven by the expectations of others. It can sometimes work out for your benefit, but if this is your main motivation you will not get the pleasure of knowing you. You are made so wonderfully unique and beautiful, that becoming your true self is one of the highest privileges you’ll experience on this planet. Please don’t be who others tell you to be.
Greed - This stems from the predominantly materialistic world we participate in. We are taught from a young age that we’ll be happier and more accepted by buying and experiencing products and services. The researchers have proven time and time again that more stuff does not mean more happiness, but the commercials got to us first. I still think children’s breakfast cereals will make me happy. We have to get a healthier understanding of what valuable means to us.
Fear - Fear becomes a cage. It shrinks our life, disconnects us from ourselves as well as others and leaves us exhausted.
1 John 4:18 says, “There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear.” I believe it banishes greed, shame, anger and guilt as well. These negative emotions can energize us at first, but they deplete our resources and leave us empty in the end. Love is unlimited. Love self perpetuates. When you spend love you get more in return. Love is also freeing. It expands your life and reconnects you. I want to be driven by love.