The Lost Art of Listening and Asking Good Questions

Is listening becoming a lost art in our society? Do we patiently sit quietly and wait our turn to speak again while someone else is talking, or do we listen? I can muster up some good listening when I’m being paid to, but when I leave the office I sometimes feel like those muscles have been exhausted or perhaps the motivation to listen is gone. I want to be a generous listener. Listening generously involves curiosity and vulnerability, a willingness to be surprised, and the ability to suspend judgement and see the beautiful humanity in someone. This type of listening leads to better questions, not necessarily answers. Better questions draw out a deeper truth and revelation. Sometimes better questions invite a deeper pursuit of truth. An idea to be pondered and sometimes wrestled with. I believe smartphones have led to a loss of  tolerance to not knowing. I remember worthwhile conversations and debates with friends in college that were extended and deepened because we couldn’t just look something up. Having to articulate a conceived answer as well as consider other possibilities was an exercise in independent thinking as well as listening. Nowadays someone would have looked it up and the conversation would be over before it started. Maybe technology is to blame. Or maybe we need to discover better questions. Questions the internet can’t easily solve for us. Or maybe we need to fall in love with questions themselves instead of our opinions. It would be great to use our words to invite vulnerability and honesty out of each other, instead of desiring to force our own thoughts into someone else’s head. We seem to be seeking resolution and validation in our conversations. I believe we might be missing out on the value of meaningful conversation, the adventure of not knowing and the pursuit of deeper truths.