My inner bully

I recently watched a clip of George St. Pierre (GSP) talking about being bullied in school. For those of you who don’t know, GSP is widely regarded as one of the greatest mixed martial arts fighters of all time, which makes him high on my list of people I personally would never want to fight. Yet he was tormented and constantly beat up by bullies in high school. His interviewer, Joe Rogan, asked how much it drove him to become a great fighter. Initially, he didn’t say it had much of an influence, but after thinking about it he admitted it may have played an important role. I thought to myself, how could he not have been connected to these memories his entire career? Then it occurred to me that I may have similar parallels in my life. I often don’t know how much a past experience influenced me until I’ve processed it. My processing moments usually manifest in a healing environment, which often means an encounter of sorts or through sharing my story to a compassionate listener. In this instance, Rogan was his listener, and his story of encounter is so good it’s actually hard to believe…

In this interview, he shares how he encountered his high school bully while pulling up to an intersection. A man approached him for a hand out and GSP immediately recognized him as his high school tormentor. Instead of pulling his car over to beat this guy down, he pulled over to connect with him and ask him what’s going on. The bully shared his situation and GSP gave him all the cash he had on him as well as some encouraging words. His freedom from his childhood pain came from forgiveness and love as well as compassion for this wounded man. 

GSP also shared a back story about how he found out that this bully’s dad was a drunk who beat him all the time. He realized that this poor kid interacted with him the same way he was taught to interact at home. Turns out his bully was actually a victim in his own right who needed compassion...and it got me thinking about my bully. 

I had to deal with the pettiness of immature teenagers like everyone else, but never to the degree I couldn’t handle. The biggest adversary in my life has been the voice in my head known in psychology as the ego. My ego is my false sense of identity, which developed out of necessity as a result of all my scarey, doubtful, humiliating, shame inducing and hurtful experiences. It isn’t me in the truest sense of self, but in a certain sense it’s a person I have to live with. And much like George St. Pierre’s bully, it’s a person who communicates based on what he knows. In my case mostly shame and guilt. 

The victory over GSP’s bully didn’t come from dominance, it finally came from compassion. That story changed the way I’m interacting with my ego these last couple of days. My new goal is to become friends with him, not to resist or overpower him. I want him to feel safe and cared for, because he was created out of fear and rejection. When he speaks up and tells me I’m not good enough, I lovingly tell him that he’s accepted and loved, regardless of what he’s been through. 

GSP shared that his bully later visited his mom’s house to give thanks and let him know that he got a job and is no longer living on the streets. What a victory! I want the same thing for my biggest bully, and I’m certain it won’t come from overpowering or dominance, but it may come from loving compassion.